The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 545: Digging a Pitfall

My black cat of misfortune continued napping on my shoulder. An ominous-appearing green-haired witch walked in front of me. With such a team, it was likely that I could even go to the Chaos Abyss… Okay, I admit that I was just making the last part up. For some reason, the atmosphere felt suffocating even though these two women were my allies.

My logic told me that Harloys and Amelia were trustworthy. Yet, my instincts told me that rather than killing each other, it seemed far more likely that they would kill me first.

On the surface, calm seemed to be restored. But, some words couldn’t be taken back after saying them out loud. While things didn’t appear to change on the surface, things had indeed changed between us.

“…Silly cat, what do you like in me? I’ll change that part!”

I considered myself no idiot. I didn’t get a chance to think on things earlier, but now that everything had calmed down, including my own mind, I noticed many things that I hadn’t paid attention to before.

Did the silly cat actually like me? I was no Beifeng, honest! I had no interest in cats. Yep, I think at most I treated her like a brother. Was it that she really wanted to sleep with me?

But, I truly had no idea what would make the silly cat like me. Normally, I would treat her like… a cat ball, a cat frisbee, a cat scarf, a cat rug, a cat mailman, or a cat scout… All sorts of ridiculously overboard ways of treating a pet. I considered myself lucky that the druids’ animal protection societies hadn’t learned about all this yet. Could it be that the silly cat was actually a masochist?

Well, since I had no clue, I decided to simply ask.

“You’re handsome. Princess Peach is also really cute. I think that hugging her would be really comfortable.”

I felt rather helpless about such an honest answer that I was unable to counter.

To be honest, it could indeed be said that the opposite gender being handsome or beautiful was the foundational basis for the beginning of romantic interest.

For example:

“Why do you like her? She has such a terrible personality; she’s so spoiled and selfish.”

“I like her because I think she’s pretty. No other reason.”

“…If her face was filled with acne and scars, would you still like her?”

The smart ones would likely answer “of course” because it was quite common that the person being talked about would eventually hear the answer. The honest ones would likely respond with silence, not wanting to say the truth, but also not wanting to look like liars.

That was just how humans were. People liked to describe their interest in others as “I like how he/she is” or “I get along well with him/her,” such ambiguous statements about how their romantic feelings began. However, nobody would dare to say that they didn’t judge others by appearance. Didn’t we all see another person’s appearance first before knowing anything about that person?

For instance, let’s say there were three separate women with identical violent personalities. The beautiful one would be called a tsundere, the one with an average appearance would be called a tomboy, and the one with a below-average appearance would likely be called something like ugly b*tch. Of course, women judged men the same way. Men who were handsome would always be treated much better and with greater patience.

Of course, one’s personal appearance wasn’t everything. The success of a romantic relationship still depended on both parties’ feelings. However, the unlucky ones who had negative scores for appearance would find it almost impossible to even get the chance to raise favorability rating.

As for myself, ever since my experience of being targeted by the scary dark elf aunties back in Sulfur Mountain City, I felt that it would be better for me to be slightly more muscular…

Although my handsome face had indeed caused me much trouble before, being praised as handsome by a Gold Elf who had astonishingly high standards for beauty still made me rather happy.

“Um… You could also try calling me cool.”

“Did you forget about my past interests? If you really looked like the beautiful or muscular man type, I wouldn’t be able to take it. I’ve already seen way too many male elves like that. Ahh, the way you look now as a shota that makes an excellent crossdresser is so cute. Let me kiss you! Goddess of Order, you truly did a good deed!”

What did it feel like to be teased by a cat and licked in the ear by a cat’s rough tongue? At that moment, I felt my ear going cold, wet, and numb as she licked my highly sensitive location. Right after that, I felt a chill down my spine as goosebumps appeared all over me.

I suddenly made a grab for her, but missed as the black cat jumped right in front of me.

The silly cat proudly shook herself as she wagged her tail in front of me while unhesitatingly revealing what it was that she truly liked about my “handsomeness.” It turned out that she was a strange auntie just like Momo! She had always desired my body!

“…One day, I really will grow a beard, and I’ll pay you back by growing it out and rubbing it on you!”

“Ha, I’m rather curious just when you’ll grow hair down there instead…”

Harloys directly responded with a retort that bordered on sexual harassment. Since this Gold Elf princess had already spent more than ten thousand years alone, even I didn’t dare to deeply think about what type of existence she really was despite her loli appearance.

I was now regretting, truly regretting having helped to restore her physical body. Back when she was undead, the fact that she was undead had helped to suppress her desires, yet we already had so many scandalous times back then. Now that her desires were completely restored along with her flesh, this likely meant even more trouble for me.

Sweat dripped down my back as I stared at her, thinking to myself if I should use a goblin rocket or a gnome flying chair to send her to the moon to rid myself of this trouble, when the silly cat actually started laughing to the point of rolling on the floor.

“…Pahaha! I was just joking with you. You actually took me seriously!”

The black cat suddenly jumped onto my left shoulder and licked my fingers. As she licked, she even meowed twice as if she was only an ordinary pet cat.

However, what she told me next through our soul connection kept sounding even more terrible.

“No matter what, I’m still the princess of the Gold Elves. Even if I want to have sex to vent my lust, wouldn’t Reyne be more appropriate than you? She has the same face and a much better figure. Besides, I’ve only returned to being fully alive for a few years. My desires aren’t that out of control. I was just joking, yet you actually treated it seriously. You really are such a narcissist.”

Although there were many portions that I wanted to retort to, our soul connection told me that she was telling the truth… especially the part about Reyne being more appropriate than me! This silly cat was actually targeting my granddaughter!

“…I think that there’s no need for me to tell Reyne to be careful. It doesn’t matter, as she’s already famously known as the Yuri ¹ Princess.”

I felt slightly relieved after hearing this. Even if the silly cat really did intend to have her way with someone, I would feel far better if she did it with someone else rather than me. Reyne, since your reputation was already like this, please block this danger for my sake!

And, with Harloys joking around like this, I didn’t feel like asking her what she really felt anymore… I didn’t want to hear anything that was even scarier!

“Let’s go. I hope that Timlad is still alive. It’s so hard to recruit talents of his caliber.”

The wood spirits’ assault ship was currently parked by the city walls. With the wood spirits’ assistance, it would likely be a fast trip to the ruins.

As Roland walked onto the wood spirits’ airship, he didn’t notice a certain cat on his shoulder arcing her mouth upwards in a suspicious manner. She had achieved her goal as Roland stopped prying into her real intentions.

I suddenly felt a sense of danger and turned around suddenly, and saw Amelia who had remained silent all this time while watching me. Her bright smile seemed ever so dangerous, so I immediately broke out into a sweat and turned around while speeding up as if I was running from disaster.

Some words had now been said and heard. A certain idiot finally organized his thoughts on romance. Some feelings had been transformed into sincere words to express them. Some feelings were still hidden. As time went on, everybody’s relationships would change and it’d become impossible to return to how things used to be, nor was there any need to change relationships back to the way they were.

Roland’s soul was now complete again with the return of his Seven Deadly Sins. He had regained his emotions, which would gradually mature. Perhaps all the women romantically interested in him were simply waiting for this to happen.

Perhaps Roland would still be able to hide from the sly women hunting him down, but it seemed that he wouldn’t be able to hide for much longer.

The wood spirits’ airships were naturally crafted in nature’s style. Their first airships in the Forest of Dreams had all been crafted out of giant trees. Perhaps due to the blueprint of their first ever airships, the current wood spirit airships were still plant-based.

Flowers, vines, and wood were the foundational building blocks for their airships. Every material was carved with exquisite patterns. And if you looked closer, you would find that the entire plant airship was like an exquisite sculpture.

The core of the airship was dragonbone carved to resemble wood. The airship’s wings were translucent and flowery. The vines were both decorative and practical melee defense weaponry.

I was riding on a special assault ship that resembled a “flower” with five petals. Three petals were the wings, while two intersecting petals were the airship’s body. The inside of the airship seemed like it was from a fairy tale.

Although there was also the mechanical noise of a magical engine, I could sense that the airship was still primarily powered by nature magic.

“Back when I left the Forest of Dreams, all the airships were still completely wooden.”

It would seem that the wood spirits had made great strides in magical engineering technology over the past few years, having created their own path with the assistance of their Mother Goddess.

“Is this a new technology? I can’t sense anything wooden at all.”

But the strange thing was that I didn’t receive an answer to my question at all. Back at the Forest of Dreams, I had been treated like a VIP with the wood spirits eager to answer any question I had.

I instantly learned why this was when I turned around. A small wood spirit that I didn’t know saw me getting closer and actually shrieked while running away at top speed while shouting at the top of her lungs, “I don’t want to get pregnant! Save me…!”

Just chatting would be enough to make her pregnant? Since when did I have such an ability!? Even if I didn’t ask, I knew who would do such a thing!

I turned around and viciously glared at Amelia, but then discovered that she still had that ambiguous smiling expression… Alright then, after considering the difference in power level between us now, I made a tactical decision to look elsewhere. Yep, it was a simple tactical decision, not that I was a coward! But, to my astonishment, Amelia voluntarily explained this.

“It’s only a rumor.”

“Did you start the rumor?”

“I’m not that childish. Reyne was the one who started the rumor. She’s the one who holds the deepest grudge against you. You’d better think about how to explain things to her. You did so many things behind her back, and now that you’ve returned, you didn’t even contact her or explain anything to her even now.”

“Tsk, even after growing up, a naughty child is still a naughty child. I can give her a good scolding later.”

Amelia smilingly shook her head without saying anything else. She already knew that Reyne had arrived. Since Roland said that he wasn’t afraid, she would simply wait to see a good show.

Meanwhile, Harloys was worried about a different problem.

“Sophocles the Deceiver has personally descended here? What are you going to do? Even a Demon Earl would be difficult to deal with, not to mention a Chaos Main God like him?”

“Relax. I have a trump card just for dealing with Main Gods. It’s best that he’s come here. He won’t need to be returning to the Chaos Abyss ever again.”

“…What? You actually have a trump card to deal with a Main God? Then why didn’t you use it against Conservation?”

I smiled knowingly without replying. It was actually quite easy to guess, and there was no need for me to act mysterious.

As expected, Harloys had a sudden realization after three seconds.

“…That trump card you’re talking about is Conservation herself. You really know how to make use of everything.”

I nodded in acknowledgement. In a way, it was actually good for me that Conservation was currently angrily tossing forbidden spells around in my personal world. Anyone whom I tossed there would instantly find themselves faced with a furious Undead Emperor and her forbidden spells.