The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

From a certain standpoint, the royalty bloodlines of major countries would always be messy. Looking at things now, Bardi’s royalty bloodline was particularly messy.

A necrophiliac prince, a lesbian vampire princess, an insane plant witch, and the current ruler was half dead and unable to have descendants. And now there was evidently a Bardi royal similar to Beifeng, since this Bardi royal had gotten together with a dragon in order to produce the half-dragon descendant Halent. If anyone told me that the Bardi Empire was cursed, I would be the first to believe it even if nobody else did.

This true successor to the throne had never been considered a candidate. Nobody thought that the Dragon Knight Archduke had been in the running. From a certain standpoint, it could only be said that Orloss’s secret plans were far too successful and that he did an amazing job hiding the information from everyone.

“What!?”

The most surprised person present was actually Halent himself, and his shocked expression didn’t seem fake.

“I apologize for never telling you about this. But you’re indeed my blood-related nephew. I’ll tell you the rest in private. We have honored guests with us right now so don’t let them laugh at us.”

Alright then. Orloss had apparently kept this secret so well that even Halent didn’t know.

“Ha! None of those idiots addicted to authority, wealth or pleasure are even remotely capable of succeeding my life’s work. I will also tell you directly that you’re not the only choice. Even if you are my nephew, I am not going to hand over my crown to you if you do not reach the level I believe a ruler must be at. However, with the current situation, and due to your combat achievements at Nightrain City along with how all those idiots think I’m dead, causing them to reveal their true ugliness, you’ve become the only choice. I can just go ahead and tell you this now.”

Hearing how energetic Orloss’s laughter was, I could only feel pity for all the other princes.

Actually, if you analyzed the situation further, this result was only natural. The current situation in Bardi was unstable—where all the domain lords were waiting for an opportunity—and those with the greatest military authority would have the greatest power. And as the battle at Nightrain City continued, Halent was now the greatest military authority in all of Bardi.

As long as Halent obtained sufficient combat accolades at Nightrain City, he would automatically become the top candidate for the crown even without Orloss’s support.

From a certain standpoint, Emperor Orloss was raising a group of venomous insects. He would intentionally have his potential successors fight each other using the most nefarious tactics possible and only then choose the successor he liked most.

I refused to believe that Halent was Orloss’s only secret relative who was a candidate. It was evident, however, that Halent was the one Orloss liked most.

Perhaps it was because Halent had always been staunchly anti-undead and continued to view the country’s issues with the utmost importance even when

the princes were fighting with themselves. Perhaps it was his defiant attitude of being willing to go against Orloss that allowed him to receive the emperor’s favor.

Orloss was pretending to be on his deathbed, and this would not only help him identify the best successor but also cause those with too much ambition to expose themselves. The domain lords would definitely cause a huge ruckus after the emperor’s death anyways—he might as well gift the new emperor with a large-scale sacrifice.

“Rivers of blood will flow.”

This was my prediction, and I felt quite confident about it. The more ambitious schemers and unlucky fools who died, the more secure the new emperor’s position would be. Rather than wait for the schemers and fools to make a big ruckus after the emperor’s death, it would be much more effective to kill them before they could cause trouble.

With Emperor Orloss explaining this, the conference table now consisted of two royals from our side with actual authority, Bardi’s current emperor, future emperor, and the highest priest of their new church. This was a conference of the highest rank, the best evidence of Orloss’s sincerity in wishing to reach an accord.

“I’ve always loved your quote from the Southern Sect: ‘This world belongs to ordinary people. Those Gods up above are just hypocritical maniacs’…”

With that as the beginning, we began our formal negotiations, the contents of which became increasingly important as the discussion went on. When we managed—barely—to come to an agreement and complete the negotiations, the sky was light again.

We received a good harvest from this all-night discussion. Apart from learning about the grand scheme that Orloss had been preparing for almost ten years, we obtained what we wanted the most in exchange for agreeing to be his helpers and allies.

“A grand scheme? As expected of the most talented schemer in Bardi for the past three hundred years. He’s so daring. But if his plan really succeeds, perhaps he’ll be known to future generations as Bardi’s wisest ruler in history.”

This ambitious schemer had been quite generous to me. Since I agreed to help his scheme, he gave me many benefits.

“Two years’ worth of food reserves from an entire domain—that’s more than enough for all of East Mist to eat for five years. Right, there’s also three thousand smiths and alchemists, and two hundred master scholars…”

Orloss had easily agreed to these conditions. A nouveau riche like Auland could never compare to the foundational strength of an ancient mega-empire. Orloss viewed them as nothing more than small gifts, but the pathetically poor Northlands would be able to save at least several decades’ worth of hard work. He didn’t hesitate to give us what we wanted most.

“Then will you support the Northlands Mist Alliance in becoming independent?”

“Of course. If the Northlands increases in strength we can better guard the border of the human world. San Antonio’s influence is far too overreaching. Besides, even if I don’t agree to help, would San Antonio really be able to control the Mist Alliance and its member countries, which are fully integrating with each other? Rather than being humiliatingly forced out in the end, voluntarily stepping back will help San Antonio save face. I’ll write a letter to Sloan.”

Making the Kasomi Dukedom independent and simultaneously causing the mega empire San Antonio to lose a subordinate country was something Bardi would want in the first place. As for the other payments… it didn’t matter since the Bardi royalty wasn’t the one who would pay. Sacrificing some local nobles’ benefits and weakening the domain lords was something the centralized royal authority wished for as well.

As for us, the most important harvest wasn’t the assistance we just received. It was the fact that we had established a working relationship with Halent. Perhaps the newly born Mist Alliance and the future Bardi emperor would be able to create an ironclad alliance.

To be honest, this was just chance, or maybe it was fate. With these coincidences, the meeting between the most outstanding leaders of the Mist Alliance and the future Bardi emperor would have a huge effect on history.

Of course, for me, being able to reach these agreements right now was hugely profitable. As for what came after…

I also agreed upon a time for me to visit the Southern Sect. And after leaving the meeting, I turned around and spoke to Glina.

“Glina, in the future you need to remember to take extra precautions against Bardi and Emperor Orloss. I feel a chill whenever he smiles. I highly doubt that even ten percent of the words he speaks are real. Also, about that damned scheme of his, don’t participate in it. I’ll do it by myself, so if it fails, it’s easy for me to run away. It would be nice if those agreements on paper are upheld and we receive those resources, but don’t pin all your hopes on it. It’s also difficult to say whether or not Halent can really obtain the position of emperor.”

The moment we left, before the ink on the agreements even dried, I unhesitatingly confessed to Glina my distrust towards the Bardi royalty. However, Orloss was probably saying something similar to Halent right now.

“Yes, there’s no room for personal feelings in national affairs. You can only talk about benefits when dealing with a mega empire.”

“…This sounds familiar.”

“You were the one who told me that.”

I nodded, as it indeed sounded like something I would say. Since Glina had been paying attention to me, at least it meant she was working hard at learning politics. This was much more reassuring than Reyne’s disinterest in all things not combat related.

Glina still didn’t seem to figure some things out, however. After some hesitation, she asked me the question on her mind.

“It isn’t like the princes are all useless. Isn’t Emperor Orloss worried about letting the princes and domain lords ally with each other openly? What if one of the princes succeeds in a rebellion and overthrows him? I feel like it’s possible.”

“…If that really happens, he’ll happily face his own demise. He’s trying to raise the most venomous insect possible, so if he can raise a scorpion who surpasses him, he should be delighted to have a successor who’s even better than himself.”

I refused Orloss’s offer to send me back in a horse-drawn carriage. Right now, I needed to organize my thoughts while taking a walk.

We didn’t intend to return to the ambush airship. In the earlier discussion, I requested a personal estate which I intended to use as the temporary housing for our Northlands envoy group. I especially chose a location close to Evelyn.

From the powerful mystical sensations emanating from that cave, I felt that there was a not-so-simple reason why such a powerful dragon lived underground. And if the situation allowed, I wanted to ask Evelyn more questions.

I felt that she was far more trustworthy than the sly old fox of an emperor, even if they were most likely in cahoots.

As I walked on the streets of the royal district, the most obvious change was that all those “assassins” had finally disappeared. Dragons constantly patrolled the skies, and on the ground, I was stopped numerous times by patrolling soldiers and knights to check my identity.

They must have received their orders since these patrolling knights were respectful. Once they knew it was me, they immediately let me pass through.

“What do you think of all this, silly cat?”

“Milord, I think there’s a tremendous secret behind everything. Yes, Milord! There’s definitely something wrong here!” [1] 1

At this moment, I confirmed that it was indeed a mistake to open up part of my memories to my magical pet. The silly cat’s shamelessness and lack of limits were getting more ridiculous by the day.

“Are you certain? Beifeng is almost here—”

“There’s something obviously off about all this patrolling. It can only mean that since the undead’s ambush failed yesterday, they’re still trying their best out there somewhere. Yep, those old guys aren’t so easy to catch. It’s quite possible these soldiers failed to catch them.”

Just as I expected. Could it be said that Beifeng was now an unstoppable force to be reckoned with? This casual threat was so effective that Harloys immediately stopped joking around and acted serious—even I was astonished at this.

“You’re still supposed to be a veteran Undead Lord. You’re actually so scared of a youngster?”

“…Recently, the druid associations have been gathering evidence of his crimes. Perhaps this evidence should be called ‘Record of seducing one hundred beasts’ or ‘Victims anthology.’ This evidence has already been sent out to the druids, hunters, and ranger organizations in all the countries. Only now did I learn that while we were touring the countries, he was also touring and committing countless racial crimes. Since there were far too many victims and the influence was far too negative, with even some druids falling victim, he’s already become the public enemy of everyone in nature job classes. I’ve heard that there’s even a ‘Beifeng hunting’ organization that’s been established. Right, do you want to read that ‘Record of seducing’? Eaglestorm received a copy two days ago. It’s so thick you could use it as a brick to beat someone up. You’ll understand if you read it.”

“Ha! Do you think I’m an idiot? Would I really touch a book that would make me go blind?”

I had already guessed what Beifeng had been doing since he often disappeared and suddenly reappeared. But considering that his personal abilities and loyalty to me were both outstanding, and the fact that his actions didn’t break any laws—yes, that was the important part. Not a single country’s laws forbid his actions— from the law’s perspective, “It’s not illegal so it’s not a crime.” So people could only go with the angle that his actions were immoral and disturbed public order.

But while we were all of the Law faction, the druids were extremist terrorists who wouldn’t care for reason. Since even the typically neutral hunter and ranger organizations were now hunting Beifeng down, however, he must have really caused a major incident this time.

I thought about how this was now a major incident, and I seriously started to consider how to pretend I wasn’t related to Beifeng if the druids came to me about it.

“The Nature Alliance? Last time, the person being hunted by the entire nature faction was the Plague King from the Calamity Rankings. I never expected such a major personage to appear among my subordinates. Perhaps one day Beifeng will be able to reach the top ten of the Calamity Rankings and surpass me… Should I try learning from Orloss and be happy that he might surpass me?”

Should I just beat Beifeng up and then give him away to trade for reward money? He would likely survive any situation no matter what, anyways, and I could give him half the reward money. Perhaps doing this several times would even make people stop hunting him…

“Brother Beifeng.”

As I was randomly thinking such things, Glina suddenly spoke up.

“Hmph! I know you have a good relationship with him, but this time don’t even think of begging for mercy for his sake…”

“No! I’m saying, isn’t that Brother Beifeng?”

Alright then. A black jacket covered most of his body, and a wide-brimmed hat covered his Dracon features. His black attire made him appear wretched and suspicious, while his black lizard tail, which had a pink butterfly bowtie on it, exposed his real identity. If this wasn’t royal district, where “suspicious people” walked around everywhere, someone surely would have called the guards.

Right now, he was surrounded by several knights. They seemed to be discussing something.

“…Let’s pretend not to see anything. I suppose I could use diplomatic channels to get him out of jail tomorrow.”

When I walked closer, I discovered that the knights weren’t arresting this pervert, as I had expected. Instead…

“Five hundred silver coins! I can’t go any lower! Just look at this printing, this expression, this artwork—it’s wonderful! This is top-quality stuff.”

“Hahaha! Brother Beifeng is selling porn books.”

“…You know what porn books are?”

“There are many porn books sold in Sulfur Mountain City… Ah! I definitely wasn’t collecting books with you and Mister Adam as the main characters! The two of you aren’t right for each other at all! Such a ridiculous pairing.”

Alright then, I gave up. I really didn’t have a single normal subordinate.

“She collected books with you and Clint or you and Xueti as the main characters… You need to do something about the porn books. But even Sulfur Mountain City Lord Annie is reading them so it’s probably impossible to do anything. Right, I’ve heard that they’re even having numerous “book-selling conventions” every year, just like the 87th in your memory. [2] 2 I heard that at last year’s 12th, Momo sold thirteen thousand books with rather heavy tastes, breaking a new record… I won’t tell you who she used as the model for those porn books—you can probably guess.”

Harloys instantly sold Glina out while stabbing me right in the heart. I didn’t want to guess at all!

Actually, when I left Sulfur Mountain City, it was the most peaceful area in the Underground. This meant that all war artists were out of work, plus there were many years of influence there from a transmigrator like me so Sulfur Mountain City’s culture and artwork were extremely developed. However, they appeared to have developed a bit too much.

“These bastards, I…”

When I thought about it, it really was impossible for me to do anything. The current City Lord was Annie, and the Church of Law was led by its religious leaders. I didn’t have a status I could intervene with, so I would be unable to issue any documents like “330 recommendations for improving the morality of Sulfur Mountain City.”

“I can’t manage Sulfur Mountain City, but I can manage this bastard in front of me!”

Just as I angrily walked over, Beifeng saw me and trembled before taking his books and running. Yet his customers pulled on the books, causing some books to drop on the floor. Various naughty scenes were revealed.

With only one glance, I understood why he ran. I then silently unsheathed my sword.

“Tsk—tsk—tsk—a Princess Peach collection, personally drawn by Momo? Mega-limited gold edition? Excellent artwork, even someone like me is a little moved… Eh, the later content is rather strange. Isn’t that the list of victims’ pictures from the ‘Beifeng evidence collection’? Beifeng, you’re trying to teach your ways and scam money at the same time?! Reading halfway through to suddenly see such a thing? They’ll all become eunuchs or perverts—this is ten times worse than poison!”

Beifeng Herault didn’t have a chance to respond to Harloys, who was reveling in the situation. He was trying his best to survive the rampaging attack of the Sword Saint, whose eyes were bloodshot and veins were bulging.

“Boss, I’m sorry! It was all to increase the sales and have everyone understand my personal interests! I tried various different girls on the cover, but yours was the best-selling one!”

“…You still dare to run? Taste my anti-evil slash!”

Note:

[1] ED/N: Anyone know what this is referencing?

[2] ED/N: The number probably means something else, but both IL and I are drawing a blank.