The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“Fire Wall! Fire Wall! Fire Wall! Fire Wall! Fire Wall! Fire Wall! Fire Wall! Fire Wall! …The boss is going underground—main tank, forward! Watch your positions! Those who die to the boss’s AOE should punish themselves by standing in a corner! Any idiots who run into the boss’s Fire Wall should join the second team tomorrow! Our team is an elite one with no room for idiots!”

[You still aren’t tired of playacting?!]

[With the AOE attack most of the undead perished. Comrade Rolo Big Hammer has now gone underground—whoops—he’s brought out a second hammer, one in each hand! He’s managed to successfully change job classes to Rolo Two Hammers! With one hammer—with just one hammer—he sent the Snake Archduchess flying! Use your ultimate ability, Rolo Two Hammers! System Notification: I’ve heard female streamers like me are really popular right now. I did a wonderful job, no? Where’s my reward money?]

“Shut up! This isn’t a hammer! …Alright, I suppose it isn’t really wrong to call it a hammer.”

I felt rather speechless at how shameless my System was. What I took out wasn’t actually a hammer, but it did resemble one. I couldn’t find any words to counter her.

It was a two-meter-long silver oak branch, and at its tip were some flowers that had bloomed. Its very existence caused a green glow to spread along with a wondrous fragrance that helped refresh my spirits.

[Original Root of the Forest of Dreams’s Mother Tree: The purest source of the Forest of Dreams’s power. This root contains an endless amount of life power. It’s a miracle item of nature and can compare to the first-generation Tree of Life. It’s priceless, and for the time being no assessment can be given to its power level. System Reminder: From a certain standpoint, the Mother Tree is Amelia’s main body, and you’re currently holding the Mother Tree’s root… you’re holding the pubic hair of a girl, you beast! Forget about others who **** ships, swords, cities, or beasts—you’re a man who ***** trees! You Beifeng!]

“Shut up! Would it kill you to have some shame for once? And when did Beifeng’s name become an adjective that meant pervert!?”

Oh, right, his name had become a forbidden word ever since that day. Since he was being hunted by all the druid organizations, he had entered the Calamity Rankings. Congratulations to my first subordinate who entered the Calamity Rankings.

“…I don’t know who he is, honest!”

Cough — cough —let’s get back on topic. The root of the Mother Tree in my hand was no ordinary piece of wood.

The Tree of Life was viewed as the origin of the elf species. Wood spirits were a similar existence, and the Tree of Life and the Mother Tree of the Forest of Dreams were both miracle trees containing the power of life. Any branch from the Tree of Life would need only slight modifications to become a powerful weapon on par with Legend-ranked equipment.

However, it was no easy task to obtain a branch from the Tree of Life. Since the Tree of Life contained the power of life, not only would its branches help improve all forms of life magic, but it would also be super effective against the undead. Naturally, Tree of Life branches would make for excellent weapons against the undead.

Actually, there was a person in the past who used a weapon called “Twig of the World Tree” as his battle hammer. This person achieved incredible things.

But less than one hundred weapons crafted out of the Tree of Life existed. Taking a branch off the Tree of Life would cause damage to it, so unless someone accomplished a deed so great the entire elf species felt they were in that person’s debt, it would be nigh impossible for anyone to obtain a branch for themselves.

The Mother Tree of Amelia’s Forest of Dreams should be equal in power level to the elves’ first-generation Tree of Life. I wasn’t about to let go of the opportunity before me, so I asked Rosa and the wood spirits for a piece as research material. Of course, I agreed to give them the remnants of the second-generation Tree of Life in return, which was something so rare that even the elven kingdoms didn’t possess… let’s not get too much into detail about how I obtained it.

From a certain standpoint, the Three Virtues had gone somewhat overboard. After I won the battle against the Titan Giant incarnations, they handed me this root as a reward. Obviously, this could be viewed as somewhat underhanded as it harmed the very foundation of the Forest of Dreams and would slow the rate at which Amelia revived.

But there weren’t any immediate threats to the Three Virtues—it wouldn’t matter much if Amelia revived a little slower. I had helped them out so much, after all. The “Original Root of the Forest of Dreams’s Mother Tree” was definitely an item containing the most abundant power of life; in fact, I felt it’d be possible to modify it into a SemiGod Equipment or even God Equipment.

I hadn’t possessed this root for long, but its quality was definitely more than ten times higher than that of the third-generation World Tree branch. I hadn’t yet had the time to properly research this root, but when I thought about how my enemies right now were undead, I felt like this could be used as a weapon so I casually brought it out.

And that was how I had a two-handed battle hammer in my left hand and a tree root in my right hand, becoming Rolo Two Hammers… a dual wielding berserker!

What, you’re asking me why I didn’t continue tossing holy fire feathers from the sky and switched to melee combat? Well, first of all, those slow feathers wouldn’t cause much damage to the top-level Myth-ranked undead. And I would also have to pay a price for tossing down all these holy fire-wreathed feathers… if I tossed anymore, I would become a naked, featherless chicken!

Cough—cough—when I discovered that my feather bombs were only effective against the weaker undead, I of course landed back on the ground. I had powerful anti-undead melee weapons in my arsenal, after all.

“Now it’s time for part three—the third form!”

I had long mastered how to dual wield greatswords, and as long as my Strength stat was sufficient, it wasn’t too difficult for me to treat a hammer as a sword. Two hammers meant my attacks would be even more vicious.

The results were better than I expected.

“What’s this? My curse was actually dispelled!”

The moment I held the root, a green glow spread over me and directly dispelled that baldie’s annoying Curse of Fatigue. I felt the power of life fill me and greatly improve my spirits. At the same time, my injuries and fatigue quickly recovered.

My silver-colored iron battle hammer was filled with the golden Holy Light, while the wooden root was filled with the green power of life. As my spirits rose, I waved my hands, causing afterimages of hammers covered in golden and green light to appear in the air.

These lights were the purest type of Holy Light and the highest quality power of life, both foundational pillars of Order. The former was the specialty of Holy Knights and Holy Light priests, while the latter was the domain of druids and life magic rituals.

Under my command, the Holy Light transformed into massive hammers that pounded the ground like an unstoppable rainstorm. I also transformed the Holy Light into bolts of thunder aimed at the undead. Meanwhile, I could only let the power of life act on its own as I didn’t have the side job class of druid capable of controlling it.

Both these powers of Order were perfect counters to the undead. The only difference between being struck by Holy Light and the power of life would be that Holy Light would eradicate and cleanse the undead into nothing but dust, while the power of life would allow the undead to die and finally enter the Cycle of Reincarnation.

Unfortunately, no matter how powerful the attack, it would still have to connect to be effective. Although my attack power was far greater than before, the results were no different from earlier.

Apart from my first surprise hammer swing that sent the Snake Archduchess flying, she now moved even faster than before and managed to dodge all the Holy Light attacks I sent her way.

“Smite, judge, and cleanse this rotten, putrid, and black land.”

I injected Holy Light into the ground through my feet, transforming it into holy ground covered in holy fire. Any undead that tried to approach me were vaporized into dust amid howls in agony. This was a large-scale AOE Holy Knight technique I was very familiar with, called “Holy Flame Consecration.” It was especially useful against highly dexterous enemies as well as large numbers of enemies.

Yet one second before the holy flames lit up, Snake Archduchess Alexandra opened up a pair of blood-red wings and started flying, escaping from the holy flames on the ground.

“Hammer of Holy Light!”

I materialized a Hammer of Holy Light in midair and exploded it, illuminating this dark night for a moment. Several skeleton warriors and a large festering zombie caught in the explosion were directly vaporized. Yet my main target, the Snake Archduchess, dodged the explosion by flattening herself. She even managed a counterattack with a punch that landed on my stomach area, almost making me cough up blood.

Holy Chain, Light’s Judgement, and Shimmering Light. I used these classical Holy Knight combat techniques to perfection, yet the result remained the same.

Her boneless nature allowed her to twist her body to dodge every attack. She would reverse her joints or elongate or shorten her limbs. When I took a closer look at her, I discovered that her eyes had transformed into snake eyes—her vertical pupils were staring straight into mine.

“Is this a joke!? She’s capable of determining my attack patterns simply from my eyes? This is too ridiculous!”

I finally accepted the fact that this Snake Archduchess had reached the very peak of the monk job class.

“The best dynamic vision, the swiftest reactions of all, a body not limited by bones and joints, and hundreds of martial art techniques she’s an expert in. How can anyone cheat like this!?”

If this were a PVP video game, she would be the equivalent of a skill-based player fully leveled and at the peak of skill in her job class. There was a huge difference between us in combat skill. A novice like me who hadn’t even fully leveled could only miss every attack I used against her.

“Since she’s reading my moves from my eyes, all I have to do is close them.”

And so I closed my eyes and prepared to randomly attack… and then immediately opened my eyes ten seconds later.

In just that short moment, the Snake Archduchess had been overjoyed to see that I’d closed my eyes and hit me with a full set of seventy-two palm techniques… fine, I’m making the number up—I had no idea just how many times she hit me. But judging from how much of me was aching in pain, she probably hit me over one hundred times… it would seem that expectations and reality were quite different. In real combat, fighting with one’s eyes closed would only result in a mega beatdown.

When I stopped idiotically closing my eyes, I used my battle hammer and tree root in unison to block her attacks, but I accidentally made them touch each other as I did so.

*Clang!!!!*

That was a loud and deep sound as if a giant monastery bell had rung. The green light on the tree root expanded; overly abundant power of life rushed out at a furious pace and transformed into a green aura that swiftly spread and devoured everything before it.

This was too unexpected and too sudden, so the Snake Archduchess who was following up her attack on me—I was still off balance from closing my eyes—found it impossible to dodge. She was suddenly enveloped by the green light.

She was instantly stunned and paused her actions. Yet monks had unwavering, frightening willpower. Clarity returned to her murky eyes in just a second.

But how would I give her a chance to recover?

“Home run swing!”

I swung my tree root as if it were a baseball bat, sending the Snake Archduchess flying at a tremendous speed. She didn’t get up again after taking this blow.

Since the Snake Archduchess, who acted as the tank who could take me on all by herself, had collapsed, it was just as if a game player team had lost their main tank player while fighting a boss. So, the result was…

“I died—I died—what’s the healer doing? No rewards for the healer! What? We don’t have a healer? Then let’s punish the tank… what, none of you can revive anymore? Forget it! We can’t beat this boss with our current team setup. You’re all idiots! That’s it for today. You should all go home and check some walkthroughs. Everyone, we’re leaving now! It’s your own fault if you get left behind! And I’m not paying for all your repair and revival fees.”

[You haven’t had enough yet!?]

[Ding! Battle complete. Time elapsed: 12 minutes. People that perished: 17. Repair fees: 2000 gold coins. System Notification: I’m going to keep pretending to be a game system if you keep playacting. What? You don’t like it? Bite me!]

Alright. Of course it was impossible for me to bite her. Still, the fact that my System was casually joining in so shamelessly meant that this battle was nearing its end.

The Snake Archduchess had collapsed, and the baldie’s only curse that worked against me was now ineffective thanks to the Mother Tree’s root. The remaining assassin couldn’t do anything by himself, and it was now impossible for the undead to win. The survivors unhesitatingly abandoned their teammates and ran for their lives.

I glanced over the spoils of my victory and felt that it would be right to say something as a boss who succeeded in annihilating his opponents.

“In front of I, Rolo Two Hammers… I mean Roland, your beliefs, your dreams, are meaningless. None of you have armor even worth mentioning! Skill-based players are worth nothing in front of a pay-to-win player like me!”

[You’ve finally admitted to being Rolo Two Hammers! See, you did have fun while roleplaying, didn’t you?]

“That’s enough out of you!”

I finally understood what it felt like to have someone commenting on the side while fighting. In such a situation, it was impossible for me to get heated up —the style had instantly gone from hot-blooded to comedy. My motivation disappeared. Even if such a boss was defeated, I would feel like a little something was missing… Emordilorcan, Lorci, and the Demon Earl, if you’re listening from somewhere, I apologize to all of you.

“Since when has your style been normal?”

“Ah, Harloys, you’re awake?”

“Yeah, thanks to your Rolo Two Hammers. This power of life is capable of protecting my soul. No, I should say that it can even strengthen my soul. Loan it to me—I want to research it when there’s some free time.”

Strictly speaking, the current Harloys was living—she had broken the Cycle of Reincarnation. Yet the Holy Light, which had the foundational power of “cleansing,” would still put a great strain on her if she used it. The power of life had much less stringent standards.

I was quite interested in this phenomenon. It appeared to be worth deeply researching into, but right now obviously wasn’t the time.

Just as how the police would always arrive only after the conclusion of a major battle in a movie, only now did Dragon Knights descend from the skies, filling with complaints.

“Damn it. They have such ‘perfect timing.’ They must have been hiding in some corner, watching the show. For this, I’m going to extort as much as I can out of them!”